"Mom, How Can We Help?" Having Loving, Practical Conversations with Aging Parents

The holidays are one of the few times everyone is under the same roof. You may be noticing little changes. Or you know your parents have worked hard and earned some ease in this season of life. The shift can feel tender, scary, and heavy all at once.

This is exactly the right time to start gentle, honest conversations about support at home.

Why These Conversations Matter (And Why Now)

Most older adults want to stay in their own homes for as long as possible. Surveys from AARP show that roughly three-quarters of adults 50+ want to remain in their homes as they age. (AARP States)

At the same time, many of those homes aren’t set up for long-term safety, and older adults often haven’t fully planned for what it will take to stay there: grab bars, better lighting, snow removal help, decluttering, and ongoing support for errands and household tasks. (IHPI)

That’s where you can be a key influencer—not to “take over” their life or force a move, but to help them line up the right support so they can keep their independence longer.

Just Because You Can Doesn’t Mean You Should

Many older adults can technically still do many things:

• They can shovel snow—slowly, with more risk.

• They can carry laundry baskets—though it throws them off balance.

• They can climb ladders to change lightbulbs—if they hang on tight and hope for the best.

The hard truth: ability isn’t the same as safety.

A loving way to frame it with your parent:

“Dad, I know you can shovel. You’ve done it your whole life. I’m just not sure you should be out there alone on the ice anymore. I’d rather we get you some help so you can save your energy for the fun stuff.”

Or:

“Mom, you’re still so capable. But if one bad fall sends you to the hospital, you could lose a lot of the independence you want to protect. What if we brought in a little help so you can keep living here longer?”

The goal is not to make your parent feel fragile; it’s to show them that accepting help now can protect their independence later.

What the Research Says: Support at Home Helps People Age in Place

Growing evidence shows the right home supports help older adults stay independent and avoid or delay moves to higher-level care:

• Studies on home-based support and home modifications show they reduce falls and help older adults maintain independence in their homes. (PMC)

• A national poll of adults aged 50–80 found that many want to age in place but acknowledge they’ll need changes like home modifications and support with daily activities to do so safely. (IHPI)

• Research on aging in place highlights that both formal supports (like home helpers or personal assistants) and informal supports (family, neighbors) are key to staying at home; caregiving and home-care services can improve quality of life and reduce risks that often trigger institutional care. (PMC)

• Community-based programs that focus on home safety and fall prevention have cut dangerous in-home falls by up to nearly 40%. Changes like grab bars, better lighting, and thoughtful layout make a real difference. (WashU Medicine)

Put simply: a little help with home tasks, safety, and organization now may keep your parent in their home, on their terms, for longer.

How to Start the Conversation Without Causing a Shutdown

Holidays can be emotional. The goal is to invite conversation, not trigger defensiveness. Here are some ways to ease in.

1. Lead with love, not fear

Instead of “You can’t keep doing this. It’s not safe.”

Try “I love you, and I want you to stay here as long as possible. Can we talk about what would make that easier and safer for you this winter?”

2. Name what you’re noticing

Use your own observations as a soft entry:

• “I noticed the stairs seem harder lately—how do they feel to you?”

• “I see a lot of mail and paperwork piling up—how is it feeling to keep on top of everything?”

• “I know winter is a lot of work with snow, ice, and upkeep. How’s your energy for that this year?”

This keeps your parent in the driver’s seat while opening the door to solutions.

3. Ask permission to share your concerns

Try “Would it be okay if I share a couple of things I’m worrying about? I don’t want to boss you around—I just don’t want to ignore them.”

When people feel respected, they’re more willing to consider changes.

4. Focus on what they want most

Most older adults want:

• To stay in their home

• To maintain dignity and control

• To not be a burden on their family

You can connect support directly to those goals: “If we brought in a bit of help—someone to handle errands and chores—that might keep you here longer and keep me from worrying so much. That feels like a win for both of us.”

Practical Ways a Service Like Simply Golden Solutions Can Help

If you’re noticing little warning signs at your parent’s home—cluttered walkways, overloaded to-do lists, or a winter maintenance burden that’s starting to look risky—a personal assistant service can quietly step in and provide support.

Here are some examples of the kinds of support that can make a big difference:

1. Decluttering and Safety Walk-Throughs

• Clear walkways, stairs, and high-traffic areas

• Remove trip hazards (old rugs, cords, extra furniture)

• Suggest simple safety additions like better lighting or nonslip mats

• Organize commonly used items to be easily reached without climbing or bending

2. Winter Home & Property Support

• Coordinating snow removal services

• Scheduling regular checks for icy steps, slick driveways, and downed branches

• Making sure walkways, porches, and entryways are safe and well lit

• Tracking and coordinating seasonal home maintenance (furnace filters, water softener salt, gutter checks)

3. Household Management & “Invisible Work”

• Managing appointments and reminders

• Organizing mail, bills, and paperwork so nothing critical gets missed

• Handling returns, errands, pharmacy pick-ups, and shopping

• Companion for winter transportation, shopping, appointments, and errands

• Setting up simple systems so life at home feels calmer and less overwhelming

4. Project-Based Support (Without Overwhelming Your Parent)

Sometimes big projects feel impossible to start alone. A personal assistant can:

• Break decluttering into small, doable sessions

• Help sort items (keep/donate/sell) without judgment

• Coordinate donation pickups, consignment, or haulers

• Create “next step” lists so your parent always knows what comes next (without feeling pressured)

The goal isn’t to change everything at once. It’s to make steady, supportive progress so their home matches their desire to stay there.

Sample Phrases You Can Use with Your Parent

If words are hard to find, borrow these:

• “I’m trying to protect your independence, not take it away.”

• “You’ve taken care of everyone else for decades. I’d love to bring in a little help so you can be cared for too.”

• “If one icy fall sends you to the hospital, you might lose more independence than if we simply get you help with the heavy lifting now.”

• “What if we just try a helper for a few hours a month through the winter and see how it feels?”

And if they resist, you can soften it: “Humor me and let’s try it once. If you hate it, we’ll rethink. If it makes your life easier, we’ll be glad we started now instead of after a crisis.”

How Simply Golden Solutions Fits In

At Simply Golden Solutions, I specialize in helping older adults in the Des Moines area stay in the homes they love—safely, confidently, and with less strain on their adult children.

Daily Living Support can look like:

• A one-time decluttering and safety session

• Ongoing assistance with errands, household chores, and project support (monthly, biweekly, or weekly)

• Seasonal home-maintenance coordination to reduce fall risks and keep things running smoothly

You don’t have to figure this out alone, and you don’t have to wait for a scary incident to make changes.

Ready to Start the Conversation?

If you’re coming home for the holidays and feeling “just because they can, doesn’t mean they should” when it comes to winter chores and home responsibilities, that’s your cue.

A small amount of thoughtful support now can:

• Help them stay in the home they love, on their own terms, for longer

• Reduce the risk of falls and emergency hospital stays

• Lower stress for both you and your parent

If you’d like help talking through options or want to explore what a customized support plan could look like for your parent in Central Iowa, reach out to Simply Golden Solutions.

Together, we can minimize chaos, maximize joy, and make aging at home a reality.